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5 Dumbest Products on Amazon Just in Time for Prime Day

In case you didn’t know, Amazon Prime Day┬áis upon us. The online retail giant is offering huge savings on things of real value and use, like tablets, pressure cookers, and drones.

But like any huge warehouse store, be it brick-and-mortar or digital, there’s loads of useless, weird stuff lying around waiting for someone bored or depraved enough to buy it.

Here are five such products we somehow stumbled upon while looking for a new TV for our green room.

Memories of the Troy Community Center


Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Play Visions 450 Nose Aerobics Game (Discontinued by manufacturer)

Discontinued by manufacturer? Why? This thing could have totally revolutionized optical-nasal gaming! Some products are just too far ahead of their time. There was only one left in stock, so you’d better get your hands on this priceless ($7.50) artifact before some Swiss art collector hides it in a vault in the mountains.


Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Playmobil Security Check Point (Discontinued by manufacturer)

Another discontinued gem. This one’s a little pricier ($254.93), but can you really put a price on teaching your kids to violate and humiliate airline passengers with “randomly selected” cavity searches while showing blatant disregard for their Fourth Amendment rights?

Note: I showed this to a co-worker, and she immediately asked why the guy being screened isn’t blonde. I was at a loss.


Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Accoutrements 11761 Yodelling Pickle

I want to be a cynical jerk about this one, but it’s so delightfully weird that it might actually be cool. You have to appreciate the description, too: “Great gift for the person who has everything except a yodeling pickle.” This one’s dumb, but dumb in a fun way. I’d buy this as a gag gift if the price ($10.13) was a little lower. Then again, working in radio has taught me to be a cheapskate. Click here to see a video of this thing in action.


Amazon.com
Amazon.com

CTA Digital Pedestal Stand for iPad 2/3/4 with Roll Holder (PAD-TSB)

Are you still holding your iPad in your hands or resting it on your bare knees like some sort of primitive screwhead? It’s 2017, you chump. Git gud with this iPad pedestal/toilet paper roll! It’ll only cost you $109.57 and your dignity.


Amazon.com
Amazon.com

A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates 0th Edition

Honestly, I don’t even know if this one is dumb. It could be the smartest thing on the internet. It could be some sort of code to unlocking the secrets of the vast, indifferent, absurdist nightmare that is the cosmos. It could have been left behind by some time traveler who accomplished their mission, saved the 31st century, and vanished like that YOU’RE FIRED fax in Back to the Future II.

Or it could be a bunch of random-@$$ numbers in a book selling for almost $200. (Only $57.12 in paperpack!)


BONUS: Bacon Bandages

These are dumb because they don’t actually smell like bacon.

Amazon.com
Amazon.com

It's Hot! Let's Remember When it Snowed all Over Central Texas

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