Boy, did they pick the wrong person to break this news.

I lost the ability to drink caffeine in 1991. I was drinking so much of the poison that I thought I had a brain tumor. Then, the poison gave me kidney stones. It messed me up so bad that, to this day, when I go in to the doctor to do a physical and I have to pee in the cup, the doctor panics because there's blood traces. Yeah, every damn time. It's all because of caffeine.

You all do realize that caffeine is a drug right?

I shot my caffeine load by drinking Mt. Dew and Pepsi. Although I was drinking coffee black from the time I was 8 years old. Thanks, Grandma. I couldn't imagine how bad off I'd be if I had a Starbucks or energy drinks around like the kids do today.

So here you go. A new Unicorn Frappuccino is available at Starbucks, and it's for Instagramming. You buy it, then you take a picture of it and post it to Instagram. I'm trying to think of bigger wastes of time and money, but I'm coming up blank. This could be the dumbest thing I've ever heard about.

The color and taste are supposed to change as you stir it, or as it starts to mold over - whatever fraps are supposed to do.

I punched Unicorn Frappuccino into Instagram and got 26,914 posts. I think I just died a little inside. Seriously, I think my intestines just started to harden as I was writing that. I'm turning to dust from the inside out.

Unicorn Frappacino - cute but nasty.. like me (I took one sip & tossed it ) #unicornfrappuccino

A post shared by Plus ModelMom Feminist (@tessholliday) on

 



Soo #tasty #unicornfrappuccino #unicornhair #unicorn #frappuccino #starbucks #starbucksfrappuccino #funnelvision A post shared by FUNnel Vision Fam (@funnelvisionfam) on

Bad mom award goes to...