Woman Unsure if She Should Tell Girlfriend About ‘Intimate History’ With Close Friend
A woman on Reddit is contemplating whether or not she should tell her girlfriend of 11 months, with whom she has "a lot of trust," that she used to hook up with a close friend.
"I have another friend who I will call 'B' that I sometimes visit to play Magic the Gathering with. About [two] years ago, B and I were intimate a couple of times. Obviously, this was before my girlfriend and I ever met, and it was only [two] or three occasions, usually when alcohol was involved," she wrote on Reddit.
"It wasn't the right fit though and ultimately we just ended up being strictly friends. I met my girlfriend several months after that happened," she continued.
But now she is contemplating if she should tell her girlfriend — who has never met her friend — that they used to hook up.
"It's possible that I have already mentioned it and forgot. My girlfriend and I have always been very open and straightforward with each other. We have also talked about what the boundaries of our relationship are. We have discussed that in our relationship, cheating equals a sexual act with someone outside of the relationship. So I do not feel like I have cheated, since that sexual stuff happened way before my girlfriend and I ever met," she explained.
The woman noted that her girlfriend is currently friends with someone "she used to be physical with in the past," which she is OK with.
"We also have a fair amount of trust, and could look through each other's phones at any time without incident or raising an eyebrow. I just want to know if it's absolutely necessary for me to bring it up, or if it would do more harm than good to bring it up with my girlfriend. I genuinely just can't remember if I have already mentioned it," she concluded.
Users in the comments suggested she come clean with her girlfriend.
"Yes, tell her. She's inevitably going to find out and if you've hidden it, it's going to look iffy. If you're honest about it from the start, she's probably going to think less of it," one person wrote.
"It sounds like this is the cause of some anxiety for you, if you feel like you’re hiding something or that you want to tell her just for peace of mind, then go for it. You trust each other and it should be fine," another chimed in.
"Having a continued relationship with someone you used to sleep with is the type of information most boyfriends/girlfriends would want to be aware of. Some would be bothered by it and some wouldn't, but most would at least want to know it. Also, just practically speaking, any 'secret' you have that other people also know about is not 100 [percent] within your control. That means someone else could tell her. If someone else tells her this information before you do, that will probably be a big problem," someone else advised.
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