Texas Football Coach's Stripper Girlfriend's Monkey Bit Kid

Here's something I'll bet you've never read in the same story: a stripper, an emotional support monkey, and a University of Texas football coach had a really crazy Halloween.

Wait, Really?

Yep, the internet is on fire right now with the news of the University of Texas football coach's stripper girlfriends emotional support monkey biting a kid on Halloween night.

At first I thought that monkey just needed a good spankin', but once you look deeper into the facts, you'll see that the kid involved was someplace he shouldn't had been monkeying around in.

Meet the "Pole Assassin"

Let's introduce the main characters in this story, starting with the University of Texas Special Teams coach, Jeff Banks.

Jeff's girlfriend is a stripper who goes by the name the "Pole Assassin." Her real name is Danielle Thomas, and she has an emotional support monkey named Gia.

According to SI Extra Mustard, Thomas took to Twitter to tell her story of the Halloween haunted house she set up for the kids in her neighborhood to walk through. One of the kids apparently ventured off to her back yard where the monkey was housed and tried to pet it through the cage.

She even posted a video showing how far the kid had to go into her yard to get to the monkey house. In the video, she also showed the signs that were clearly posted saying "Do Not Enter."

Should Have Known Better

The kid had to travel well past the haunted house to get back there. Thomas added via Twitter, “A 11 /12 year old child should know better then to enter someone yard without permission and old enough to also follow the rules. The rules were when u get to the gate turn around and come back out for candy every other parent and child did so !”

Thomas has since deleted her Twitter page.

I personally think the video is proof enough that the kid went way out of the way to go see Gia the monkey and was someplace he shouldn't have been.

Of course the internet can turn every story upside down and paint the narrative a certain way.

We'll see how this turns out.

These Are the Cutest Pet Costumes You've Sent Us So Far

It's almost Hoooooowwwwwwwwl-oween! *ahem* I mean, Halloween, and that means everyone's getting dressed up and celebrating spooky season. That includes our dogs and cats, who can have just as much fun as us!

Now through Halloween night, we're asking the good people of Central Texas to share pics of their pet's Halloween getup.

While it's fun to share pics anyway, you could actually win a Pet Prize Pack from Posh Paws Pet Resort and Salon in Temple valued at over $200!

Also, this contest is open to pets of all shapes and sizes, so if your pet gecko or tarantula can sport a witch's hat or devil horns like nobody's business, let's see those pics!

You can submit your best furry (or scaly) friend's Halloween boo-tique beauty shots using the entry form here, or you can use the Submit Photo/Video feature in our free app!

Let's look at a few of the photos we've gotten so far.