Big In Texas: Giant Texas Murder Turtles

Yes, Texas has turtles big enough to kill you.

Giant Texas Murder Turtles sounds a bit like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but they are very real. We're talking about freshwater alligator snapping turtles. Let's start by saying that you won't have a problem with these beasts unless they feel threatened or get very confused, that is, they won't go out of their way to murder you.

These turtles can weigh 200 pounds with powerful jaws. They also have a long neck, so they can reach a little farther back than you might think to defend themselves.  It's probably best that you do your business and let the turtle do its business and no one gets hurt. It is very unlikely one could kill you, but you could lose a finger or a toe. Still, experts say it's theoretically possible they could kill you, even though no documented cases exist.  A bigger problem is that you may end up with salmonella poisoning.

I have to say that I understated the size of these beasts a little bit. The largest wild-captured turtle ran about 211 pounds, while some in captivity have gone nearly 250 pounds. There's even an undocumented claim of a turtle that was a 400+ pound monster. Of course, most are just the size of regular turtles which is still more than enough to turn your pinky toe into a snack.

I recently slimmed down to 203 pounds making me about the same weight as one of these wild-caught turtles. I go about 6'4" but I can't see where height would give me any advantage in a "mano a turtle" type of showdown. My only advantage would be punching or wrestling power which would be seriously limited in water. Now what the turtle would have on me is a hard shell, powerful jaws, and the ability to dive underwater (for up to two hours). Advantage=turtle.